Aruastino Veladulchi, a cardinal in the Roman Vatican church

You The pope has just died and you are next in line to become his successor. You are having a meeting with the high council when they reveal to you...

> You will not go, your position is too important. You decide that it would be better if you did not have to deal with this situation. You tell them that you cannot do anything about it since you are still on the list of candidates and you need time to think things over. They seem disappointed by your answer but don't press you further.

You decide to go on a road trip with a couple of your fellow cardinals while everyone else decides who the next pope will be.

A few days later you get a letter from the Vatican asking you for an interview. You accept the offer immediately and begin preparing yourself for the interview. When you get there you find yourself in a large room filled with people. There is also a long table in the middle of the room where several men sit at one side and another man stands behind them all looking down at you.

You tell the church that you can't attend meeting this weekend because you are going on a road trip to buy a Donkey Kong arcade game.

You then explain that you were offered the job but declined due to other commitments. After hearing your explanation he looks up from his papers and smiles. He tells you that your reasons make sense and that he thinks you'd make a good pope. The next day you meet with a group of cardinals in a conference room.

You tell the cardinals of your plan to get the Donkey Kong machine, but Cardinal Billy Mitchell says he has already purchased the machine. Cardinal Mitchell opens a side door and there is the machine!

It's yours free of charge! You're so happy you almost drop the paperwork you're reading. The next morning you head out to the street and start selling Donkey Kong machines like crazy. You sell more than a hundred and the money goes towards buying a boat. When you return home you spend most of the night playing Donkey Kong and drinking beer.

You try to come up with a funny name for your new boat.

One month passes and you've sold enough Donkey Kong machines to pay off the loan you took out to purchase the boat. Your father is pleased with your decision to pursue a career in religion after working as a bartender. Your mother is less pleased with your choice. She doesn't approve of your life choices and she wants you to stay away from alcohol and drugs.

You say "I'm the Pope, ma. What more do you want from me?"

Your father agrees with her.

You cry and say "You're never coming on my boat!" You jump off the dock onto your 23ft sailboat and slowly sail into the sunset. Your boat has it's name written on the back and it reads "Dope Pope".

The End