AIG Alf Ep 2 – Alf is digging up graves when he is interrupted by Willie

Posted under Alf, Story On By Chief

EXT. Cemetery

Alf is digging up graves when he is interrupted by Willie.

WILLIE
Alf why are you digging up people's graves?!

ALF

I'm not! I just wanted to see if they were there...
He takes out a shovel and starts filling in the grave.

Willie looks in the grave to see Alf is burying his own body.

WILLIE
You're burying yourself? You've got some weird ideas, mate.
They watch as Alf fills in his grave with soil. They both laugh at this idea.

ALF
Well... want to do lunch?

Alf holds up a cat that looks like it was hit by a car.
 The cat has no eyes or mouth.
WILLIE
(laughs) Oh yeah. That would be nice.
We hear someone else laughing nearby. It sounds like a woman.

Willie terrified that someone will notice Alf runs towards the woman and sees that it is none other than Hilary Clinton!

HILARY
Who were you talking to just a moment ago?

WILLIE
Oh... myself I guess I just though that no one was here.

She laughs loudly again.
WILLIE
What's so funny?

Hilary turns around and walks away from them. She stops and speaks directly into their minds.
HILARY
Listen carefully.
 This town is full of zombies but we can still find happiness. We must continue on our journey together.

Alf is surprised by Hilary Clinton's psychic abilities.  Alf remembers that women on Melmac would have the same power and Alf figures out that Hilary Clinton is from Melmac.  Alf flirts with Hilary.

ALF
So Hilary what brings you to Earth?

Hilary smiles at him.
HILARY
I came because I heard about your plight. I am sure you did not come alone. Your friend Willie may have brought others along.

Alf suspects that Willie might be one of the walking dead.
 He asks her.
ALF
Do you know anything about my friends? Are they safe?
HILARY
Yes and yes. There are many townsfolk who have been infected.

Alf rushes home with Hilary and Willie to make sure the Tanner family is safe.  Alf opens the door and is shocked to see
 Mrs. Tanner sitting in front of a roaring fire drinking tea while Mr. Tanner sits next to her holding his head in pain. Both appear normal.

ALF
Kate get away from Willie, he is probably infected!


Hilary
 gets up and grabs Kate.

HILARY

No he isn't! Why don't you go look for yourself?

Alf observes Willie and just realizes he is addicted to crack, but still alive and still human.  However Kate on the other hand drops the act and attempts to bite Hilary Clinton's head.

KATE
Go ahead bitch, eat me! Eat shit! Eat all of us!
The two girls start fighting.
WILLIE
Stop! Stop it now!

Hilary uses he expert knowledge in kung fu to subdue zombie Kate.

HILARY
Now listen, both of you. If you keep this up you'll only bring trouble upon yourselves.

WILLIE
But I love Kate, even if she is a flesh eating zombie!

ALF
Yeah!  I've always known Kate to eat terrible food, but this is riduclous!

Hilary looks at Alf.
HILARY
You're right. You should have never let her in the house. But you should also learn how to control these urges.

Alf has an idea!

ALF
Hilary! I'm going to use the television to send messages across the country to the other towns!
HILARY
That could work!

Alf flips the "Reverse" switch on the TV set and is now transmitting a message to the entire world.

ALF
To the people of the United States. Please do not panic. The government has everything under control.
HILARY
(to herself) I knew it.

Hilary Clinton transforms.

HILARY
(in Hilary Clinton voice) Listen up! The zombies are everywhere!
HILARY
(normal Hilary Clinton voice) They must be destroyed!

Alf looks to be in love with Hilary as he swoons over her new appearance.  Hilary know looks like
 a woman that has just stepped off the cover of a magazine.
HILARY
(Hilary Clinton voice) I need your help!

A horde of zombies approaches the Tanner house.   Alf produces two rocket launchers from his armpits and fires them while running.
 The rockets strike a group of zombies causing them to explode.

Willie is inspired to fight witnessing this and grabs his trusty zombie killing weapon:
 a rusty axe. He runs towards Hilary and begins swinging.
WILLIE
Come on then zombies!
Hilary grabs him and stops his attack.

Hilary pulls off Willie's face to reveal that he is the Zombie King.

WILLIE
What?
HILARY
I have been watching you. You are very good at what you do.
She takes the axe from Willie and continues to chop zombies.

Willie commands his horde of zombies to ignore Alf and attack Hilary.  Hilary is overwhelmed by the seemingly infinite amount of zombies.
 She fights valiantly but eventually the tide turns against her.
HILARY
I can't take anymore.
Alf and Willie come out from behind the bushes to watch her being beaten.

Alf turns to Willie.

ALF
So what are we going to do now?
WILLIE
We are going to kill every last one of them.
Alf is not convinced.

Alf notices a gem in the back of Willie's head and suspects that Willie is not who he thought he was.  Alf tricks Willie by
 saying,
ALF
Hey Willie, you are no ordinary human. You have powers beyond our wildest imaginations.
Willie is confused.

Alf continues.

ALF
You see, I know you don't want to hurt anyone.

Alf's words hit home. Willie is shocked.
WILLIE
Why would you say such a thing?
Alf smiles.

WILLIE
Can I have my face back?

Alf notices Willie's face lying on the ground and he hands it back to him.  Willie puts his face back on, but it is crooked.

WILLIE
That's better.
Hilary is still struggling to defeat all the zombies, when she is suddenly surrounded.
HILARY
Help!

Alf desperately trying to impress Hilary demands that Willie send all his zombies back to graveyard.

ALF
Send them away!
WILLIE
But they won't go!
Alf is losing it.
ALF
It doesn't matter.

Alf rips the gem out of the back of Willie's head and wills the zombies to go back into their graves.  Alf has done it and saved Hilary!

HILARY
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Hilary embraces Alf.  They kiss passionately.