AIPD EP192 – 9/27/2020 – Story 2

Posted under AIPD EP192 - 9/27/2020 - Story 2, Story On By Chief

You are Ishmael.  You are an Amish farmer.  You live on a farm in Pennsylvania with your family.  One day you are feeding your pigs when you think to yourself... I should build my own barn. So you do.
> You gather the other farmers in the area for a barn-raising.
You gather all the farmers in the area to come and build your barn collectively. They arrive in their horse drawn carriages, and begin to work. They work hard, and by nightfall the barn is up.
You wake up the next morning and demand another barn be built.  The community tells you not to be greedy, but you tell them that God told you it had to be this way.  So by nightfall of the next day, you have a second barn.
You wake up the next morning and demand a house be built for you, ten times bigger than any in the area.
You find out that the community along with your family is having a meeting to talk about you and your motivations.  They didn't invite you. When you arrive, they tell you that the community has been discussing what to do with you. They say they are afraid you have been influenced by demons.
You introduce your new best friend Totally Not Satan, a "fellow Amish farmer".  Totally Not Satan demands all that question you to be jailed in one of your barns or else they are influenced by demons. You vote, and it is two votes for the barn and one vote for jail. Your wife abstains from voting.
You are locked in the barn.
The next morning you wake up shivering.
You break out of the barn are find Totally Not Satan.  You leave the amish community with him and head into town.
You become a carpenter, but it is always cold in your heart.
The youngest of your 11 children, Little Jebediah, asks you to come home.  You decline.
You buy land and build on many acres barns as far the eye can see.  You return home and tell everyone that doubted you to follow you to witness greatness. When they arrive, you set the barns on fire.
The barns burn down to nothing and all that's left are some cold black stones.
You have destroyed their faith. You never return home again.
You eat all the burnt butter that you had stored in all those barns.  You gain 600 lbs overnight. In your last days you are taken out of your house, which was just a little bigger than the rest of your neighbors, and dropped in a hole.
The moral of the story: When God tells you to build more barns, you better damn well build more barns.