AIPD EP189 – 9/24/2020 – Story 1

You're Sensitive Stan, a guy who is starting to feel itchy. While walking around the city, you start to realize why you're feeling so itchy: You have ants in your pants! You try to shake the ants away, but that doesn't work. You decide to throw your pants off. Most of the ants come off you, but some of them stay on. You start running around the city, while pantless and saying, "I'm being attacked by ants!"  While shouting this, you bump into a man.
The man says, "Are you yelling about your pants?" You nod.
You rip your pants off and show him the colony of ants swarming your crotch. The man gives you his pants and you put them on.
> You jump in a nearby fountain to get the ants off of you.
You jump into the fountain and say, "I'm being attacked by ants!"
Some of the ants are still on you and you contract leprosy.
You pull out a magnifying glass, to burn the ants, but also burn your genitals.
You decide to go to a hospital, but you can't find your pants. You run around the city, with your genitals burning and your body being eaten by ants.
> You run into the emergency room, and the nurse makes you fill out a bunch of paperwork.
You go into the emergency room and find a nurse. She asks you, "Why are you here?"
> You scream "I NEED A DOCTOR!"
You scream, "I NEED A DOCTOR!" The nurse gets angry and throws you out of the hospital.
You die of septic shock, after all the hospital staff throw darts at your painful, red crotch.
Ant Man brings you back to life, you are now the size of an ant, but you have micro ants still on your crotch. They carry you around, until you go back to life again.
You talk to the ants and tell them how much you love them. They try to eat you out of appreciation.
The ants kill each other to fight for your affection.  All the ants on your crotch are finally dead!
The good news is you got all of the ants off your crotch.
The bad news is now there are over 10,000 bees on your crotch, attracted to the honey from the ants.
> You politely ask the bees to leave your crotch.
They furiously sting you until your crotch is nothing but honey.
The bees become a hockey team called the Honey Bees. They win the NHL and Stanley Cup. All hail the Honey Bees.
> You sue the bees for loss of penis.
You win the case and are awarded 1.7 million dollars.
You use the money to make a movie about your life, called "The Life of the Honey Bees." The movie wins an Oscar for best picture.
> You give your acceptance speech at the Oscars.  You address the audience and say...
"Why did the bees cross the road?"
"To sting the dick off of people who misuse them in the movies!"
The crowd at the Oscars boos you and calls you an idiot.
You are met by Anti Bee Violence protestors led by Jerry Seinfeld on the way to your hotel. They throw beehives at your head until all of your hair is gone.
The bees from the beehives fly into your hairless head and sting out your brains.
You are saved by Caeser Zeppeli, a Hamon User. He takes out his signature golden scissors and cuts your head open, releasing the bees and killing them. He calls you an idiot for not using Hamon to begin with.
The morale of the story: Hamon is OP. Also, bees are vicious creatures that deserve respect.