AIPD EP188 – 9/23/2020 – Story 3

Posted under AIPD EP188 - 9/23/2020 - Story 3, Story On By Chief

Your name is Adam.  You are in line at Old Country Buffet.  A large man has just cut in front of you and you are very mad.  What do you do?

You are locked in a room with no weapons or furniture. You look around: there are only the four walls and a floor. Then, the room begins to shrink in on itself...
You see a figure appear, a booming voice yells, "NO LINE CUTTING AT YE OLDE COUNTRY BUFFET!!!" You stand in horror as the obese figure begins to run over to you. You are so scared, your feet cannot move. The giant man yells, "NO FOOD FOR YOU!!"
> You grab a entire tray of gravy, then tell the man, "Call it."
The man looks at you, then says, "OK, I'll call it." But instead, he jumps on top of you and crushes you!
> You roll over on top of the man, and your fat crushes his. You have outfatted him.
You laugh and tell him, "You just lost outfattening." He frowns at you, then gets up from the ground. You run away.
You worked up an appetite and head for the dessert. What do you want?
NOTE: I don't actually have a way to end the story there because I'm too lazy to think of a dessert.
> You reach over and grab an entire ice cream tub and smash the man over the head.
You sit there eating it, watching the man bleed to death. You smile and enjoy dessert.
You become the new bouncer at Old Country Buffet. That outfatter won't cut in line again.
You see outfatter in line the next day and you give him a stern look. He backs away. You are the bestest outfatter ever.
You let out a loud fat mating call for ice cream!
A girl walks over and asks you why you are eating so much. You look at her and say, "I'm an outfatter." She slaps you and says, "Fatty!!"
You roll her to back room with a couple sticks of butter and get to fat business.
You enjoy the rest of buffet and then decide to call it a day.
You go home and watch some TV.
> You watch "The Biggest Loser" in reverse.
You watch a show where they take fat people and make them thin enough to fit into an airplane seat.
You watch a show where they take all the fat people and feed them through a tube straight into their stomachs.
> You then you watch animal planet about outfatting walrus.
You watch a show about people cutting in line and they outfat the people.
You watch a show where people cut in line and they outfat the people.
> You enter the talent competition, "America's Next Outfatter," hosted by Gordon Ramsay.
You enter the talent competition, "America's Next Outfatter," hosted by Honey Boo-Boo.
You enter the talent competition, "America's Next Outfatter," hosted by Charles Nelson Reilly.
You show your outfatting skills with a recreation of someone cutting in line at the Old Country Buffet.  The judges all stand up and...
welcome you to the finals, cheering and clapping wildly.
For your final performance you attempt a cartwheel on stage. You...
land on your head and break your neck.
quietly sit down in the front row, never to outfat again.
You heal from your neck injury and vow to lose the weight. You are down to 600 pounds and feeling great. You...
Start eating healthy food and exercising daily.
Buy a bolt-action rifle and hunt your family as they come out of the house to cut in line.
The morale of the story: Outfattening is a dangerous game.