AIPD EP186 – 9/21/2020 – Story 3

You are Jason, a guy who has no groceries in his house. You open the fridge, freezer and all of the cabinets, but there isn't anything there. Suddenly, you look outside and see your neighbor's cats. An hour later, Tony and Jim come to your house with bags of groceries. Tony walks up to you and says, "I bet you're hungry." You reply, "Actually, I already ate." Jim asks, "What did you eat?" You say, "Cats." Tony and Jim gasp. They yell at you, "You monster!" They ask you to leave your house. You agree and go to your car.
The next day, Jim comes up to your house with a baseball bat.
> You ask Jim "What are you doing with that bat?"
Jim says, "I'm going to kill you for eating my cat!" Jim swings the bat at your knees.
You toss a cat to block the bat and home runs a cat into the neighbor's yard. You get in your car and leave.
You arrive at the airport. You go to the counter and buy a ticket to New York. After you board the plane, you sit next to a man with a shaved head.
> You ask the man his name and he tells you it's Graham Reaper.
You instantly know that this is the Graham Reaper, lead singer of the legendary band, "Reaper". He whispers into your ear, "I have something to confess to you."
"What is it?" you ask.
He tells you that he killed his wife and that he needed someone to blame it on. He asks you if you will take the fall for him.
You agree and the shaved head man shows up to Jim's house with a baseball bat.
Later, you and the lead singer of Reaper leave for New York City.
> You say "Say, what happened with my friend Jim?"
The lead singer of Reaper says, "I don't know a Jim."
You and the lead singer of Reaper get off at your stop.
You ask to join the band. The lead singer of Reaper says, "Sure".
Graham Reaper's wife walks up to the both of you and says, "I wanna play drums." The lead singer of Reaper says that his needs to re-evaluate the situation with his wife.
> You make small talk with his wife and ask if she likes cats.
She says she likes them more than dogs. You pet her cat on the head. She says to you, "I'm on the pill."
> You say "Can I eat your cat? "
She says, "Sure.And would you like a beer?"
The next day, you wake up in bed next to the lead singer of Reaper's wife.
You go looking for her cat so you can have pussy for second breakfast. You find her cat dead. It looks like it was killed with a knife.
You run back to Reaper's wife and tell her of the dead cat. You say, "Someone killed your cat and I don't know why."
The lead singer of Reaper says, "It looks like someone murdered my wife."
You go to the studio and record a new album overnight about eating pussy.  You call the album "Can I eat your cat?" and it's a big hit.
You ask the lead singer of Reaper, "Who do you think killed your wife?"
He says, "I don't know.
> You look up in the air and whistle and move your eyes from side to side.
You say, "I wish I had something to drink."
You wish for a beer. It appears in your hands. You open it and drink it. You feel refreshed.
> You say "This beer tastes like cat guts."
You belch up cat guts and throw them on the floor.
You look at the TV and see a commercial for a brand new type of beer. They show a picture of you on the screen.
> You say "You realize that Graham Repear's wife must have Freddy Krueger powers and she is controlling your dreams."
The TV and the floors disappear. You are transported inside Freddy Krueger's nightmare. Freddy Krueger is looks like he was molested by a mountain climber when he was younger.
> You look Freddy Krueger in the eye and say "It's not your fault" repeatedly.
You wake up in the hospital. The nurse says "You've been asleep for three days now". The lead singer of Reaper sits by your bedside and says, "Do you feel okay?
> You say "Am I actually awake?  Or is this still a dream?"
You think to yourself, "This feels real."
You pinch yourself and feel the pain. You realize you're awake.
You see a bazooka by your bedside table.  You pick up it up and go back to sleep to fight Freddy.
You shoot Freddy in the face many times until his face is too bloody to be recognizable.
You wake up in the hospital again.
The morale of the story is: Never go to sleep.