AIPD EP186 – 9/21/2020 – Story 2

Posted under AIPD EP186 - 9/21/2020 - Story 2, Story On By Chief

Jason is going to the grocery store to buy his favorite pizza bagels. Jason sees Jim and Tony fighting over the last box.
"Hi, guys!" says Jason.
"Hi, Jason," Jim says.
"No. You get away from that box!"
Cory, the manager of the supermarket, enters and seems amused to see Tony and Jim fighting over pizza bagels. He picks the box up, and says, "If you two want some, you can have some. Here you go."
"Thanks!" Jim and Tony say together.
You see the box is empty and notice Cory from his YouTube channel of grocery store fights.
"Why did you let them have the pizza bagels?" you ask.
"Well, I didn't see you fighting over the box," Cory says, "And they're my brothers.
Tony grabs all the pizza bagels and runs toward the register. Jason and Jim chase Tony, and Cory is filming the whole thing. You walk behind them, curious to see what will happen. Jim tackles Tony at the drink aisle. "Why'd you do that?" asks the six-year-old boy on the floor.
Cory yells "BAGEL TIME"! as he slams into the six-year-old.
"Why did you do that?" asks the kid.
"Because it's funny," says Jim.
You start laughing because it is pretty funny.
The shelves break and soda spills all over the people and floor. You laugh harder.
The boys stand up and try to clean the mess they made. The manager complains about the mess, but you're still laughing.
You go home with soda soaked pizza bagels and notice that you are the star of the new grocery fights video on YouTube.  The video goes viral.

You arrive home and give your mom, who is a teacher at your school, the pizza bagels. She thanks you and heads toward the dining room.
"I'm putting an end to this right now," she says. "Everyone, come to the dining room for pizza bagels."
You find yourself in the dining room with your siblings and classmates. You start eating. she says.
You sit down to eat the pizza bagels and watch your mom set up a large projector screen. Once it's on, she skims through the Internet to find the latest video.
Your mom clicks the top link, it just happens to be the Grocery Fight video of you knocking a 6 year old to the ground for pizza bagels.  Everyone turns around to look at your disapprovingly. You sit there in shock, not able to move your body. You've been found out. Your mom flicks on the lights.
"What is wrong with you?" she asks angrily.
> You say "In my defense, I was hungry."
"You should be ashamed of yourself. You don't take food from a child, ever."
You continue eating the pizza bagels until the doctor says you've had enough.
The doctor is there for a while, he is stunned by your endless appetite.
The next day is kind of awkward. The teacher has put the video on the smartboard and keeps staring disapprovingly at you.
"You should be ashamed of yourself," she says, once again.
I begin eating pizza bagels to numb the pain.
Class ends.
You make your way home. Your mother is yelling at you as you enter the house.
You pizza bagels in your ears to stop the screams.
Your mother is horrified that you would do such a thing.
"You disgust me," she says.
She slaps you around the face a few times.
> You grab all the pizza bagels in the freezer then run away from home and live the hobo life.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I can't do it!"
You run out the door and into the woods behind your house. Your family used to go camping there when you were little.
> You walk into a clearing and see a group of people in black robes chanting around a sculpture of a stone pizza bagel.
You realize that this is a coven of Pizza Bagel Worshippers. They sacrifice goats and praise the bagel god. They must have made the video, you think.
The morale of the story is: you'll never fully understand YouTube. If you're ever sick, hungry or in need of shelter, there'll always be something on YouTube to cure your woes.