You are Jeff Sweat, a farmer. The harvest last season was not a good one, and you need to grow extra cabbage this season to keep your farm. As you are plowing the field, you uncover... A Lost Purse You find a woman's purse nearby in the field. You can keep it as good luck, or return it to the owner. You open the bag and look for identification. Inside, you find a wallet with a driver's license. The photo shows a woman who looks like the one you're going to see. You call the number and return her purse. > You find out the woman loves cabbage. You decide to ask her out on a date. You want to take the woman out on a date because you like her, but you haven't dated anyone since high school, and you want your cabbage. You decide to take her out for dinner and flowers. during dinner you tell her how your crops are doing. Flowers: You pick a beautiful bouquet of flowers from your garden. She is very happy. You both enjoy the rest of your evening together. "You're perfect," she says. You spend a lot of time with the woman, even fall in love a little. Your farm does well, you buy a small house, and are happy. One night wake up and see your fields are burning. You run out of the house to see the fields burning. "It's all burning!" you scream. > You see your girlfriend standing next to the field. She is holding a can of gasoline. "Why?" you scream. "I'm sorry," she says, "My family needed the money." "What are you talking about?" you say. You hear a vehicle pulling up the gravel driveway. Four men get out the vehicle with machine guns and spray at bullets at your house. You survive and watch then men drive away from your home. "Why did they do this?" you say. "Because," your girlfriend says, "your farm is worth more with the house destroyed. We have to rebuild the farm." > You say "Say, what's your name. " "Don't you remember me?" says the woman. "My name is Rita." YOU: Rita, what just happened? Is this a nightmare? RITA: No, it's not a nightmare. Rita's brother Randy helps you rebuild your home. Randy turns your house into a fortress and places mines and trip wire incase anyone tries you attack the farm again. Rita grows more distant from you. One day, Rita's parents die in an accident. The farm is all Rita has left from her parents. > You and Rita go to couples counseling. You pay the therapist in cabbages. "I think Rita just misses her parents," you say. "Rita has you," says the counselor. "I think she's trying to move on." > You say "But at the same time, I am very attracted to Rita's attractive sister. She has very large cabbages" "That's so silly," says the counselor. You look at Rita's sister, resting her chin on her palm, staring out the window. A small smile appears on her face as she watches a crow fly overhead. > You decide to betray Rita as revenge and seduce Susan. You call Rita's sister over to the farmhouse. "I have these cabbages that need to be moved," you say. "They're quite heavy. Will you help me?" "Sure," > You say "We're going to get very sweaty. Let's take off most of our clothes before we start moving the cabbages. " "That's funny, George," she says. "But if you really want to take the cabbages off the truck, I'll help you." > You say "My name is Jeff. You're cute. I really like you more than your sister. We should fornicate." "You got it, Mr. Farmer," she says. The two of you take a cabbages off the truck. You place one over your heads as you start to fornicate in the fields. Rita catches you and drives her truck precariously close to you and Susan. The tires roll over your legs, breaking them in several places. "You crippled my boyfriend!" sobs a weeping Susan. Rita drives away from you and your broken legs. You and Susan write a hit country single inspired by this titled "You crippled my boyfriend!". It becomes a number one hit. The end. The morale of the story is: Don't have sex in the fields.