AIPD EP185 – 9/20/2020 – Story 1

You are Jimmy Olsen, a photographer for the Daily Planet. Your boss, Perry White, wants you to stop taking pictures of pretty anime girls and start photographing some newsworthy. One day, you open the janitor's closet and see a reporter, named Clark Kent, changing into his Superman costume. You take a picture of this. Clark glares at you and says, "Sorry, Jimmy, but you can't keep that picture." Clark takes your camera and smashes it with his bare hands. 
You pull out your dildo made of kryptonite and demand Clark Kent replace your camera. You are attempting to be funny, but Clark doesn't get it. He, again, takes your camera and smashes it on the floor.
You slap Clark Kent in the face with the dildo. "Who's the joke now, bitch?" You scream.
Clark yells, "Look everyone, Jimmy is holding a dildo!" Everyone stops and turns to stare at you."
"Shut up, asshole. We're all aware of what's in your hand," you say.
"It's a dildo," someone says.
"It's a dick," someone else says.
Hey, Clark, why were you changing into a Superman costume? Someone hands you a dildo.
You dual kryptonite dildos and beat up Clark Kent in front of everyone at the Daily Planet. You may have told a few too many people that Clark is secretly Superman.
At least you have your dildo.
Perry White call you into his office and ask why you are using dildos as weapons. What do you say?
Just then you see MR Tonyzone, a superhero with the powers of being friendzoned, getting rejected by a Lois Lane at the water cooler. He looks at you and the dildo. He glares at you and says, "Why are you holding a dildo?"
You try to explain but no one will listen to you.
> You head out on you next assignment, photographing a porn convention.
You arrive at a hotel hosting a porn convention. Capitalism at its finest, you think to yourself as you enter the building.
> You carry a dildo in each hand as you stroll the convention floor.
You walk past a booth with two young women in very revealing outfits. They are handing out cards to passersby and enlisting patrons to enter a contest to be the 100,000th visitor to their website.
You enter the contest and ask, "What number am I?" One of the women looks at you and smiles. "You are visitor number 7,000."
More people enter the contest and, when the counter reaches 94,000, you realize you will not win.
> You see Supergirl, Superman's cousin. She is a journalist who is also covering the convention.
Curious, you approach her. She looks at you and smiles. "What do you want?" she asks. You ask to take her picture but she declines and walks away.
You ignore her wishes and take the picture anyway. She turns to you and yells, "Hey!" She grabs the camera out of your hands.
She destroys your camera and leaves you behind.
You look forlornly at your destroyed camera.
MR Tonyzone is at the convention picking up supplies. "Tough luck, pal," he says as he sees your camera. He then walks up to Kara Danvers and ask her out on a date. She says yes and kisses him on the cheek. Your heart sinks.
You're done with this. You give up your career as a photographer.
All you have left is your dildo.
You go home and cry, your dildo is on the pillow next to you.  Suddenly the dildo starts to glow and...
You wake up and see that it's all a dream. Your dildo isn't glowing at all.
You sigh with relief and begin wiping your eyes.
You decide to become a vigilante, using your trusty dildo as your only weapon. You head to the subway. 
The subway is the perfect place for vigilantes. The police aren't going to look for you there, and criminals only has so many places to hide. You see a mugger preparing to strike...
You are attacked by the mugger. You try to defend yourself, but he has a knife. He's not going to take no for answer.
The dildo glows very brightly and you stab the mugger right through the gut.
In pain, the mugger screams and blood squirts out of his mouth. He stabs himself in the chest multiple times before collapsing to the ground.
You realize your purpose in life is as a vigilante, you equip your utility belt full of different types of dildo for various things. What will you name yourself?
You decide to name yourself: The Dildo Defender.
You continue your life as a vigilante. However, one day you are confronted by a League of Shadows member.