You're Mr. Outdated, a guy who has a hard time letting the past go. You're so nostalgic that you still collect VHS tapes. When people dare to offer you DVDs or Blu-Rays, you say, "I don't want that crap. VHS is where it's at." You get into the habit of only watching films that came out on VHS. You also claim that every film made in the last decade sucks. You're always waiting for the VCR to be revived. You have a few friends that are fellow film nerds, and together you form your own little club: The VCR Gang. You and your friends get together for your weekly VCR Gang meeting. "We need new members," you say. "Why don't we just talk to people at school?" Jacob asks. Jacob is a bit on the shy side. You tell Jacob, "Recruit one member or you're kicked out of VCR club!" Jacob gets on his hands and knees and starts shouting at the top of his lungs, "VCR GANG RECRUITING!" Everyone in the cafeteria turns and stares. > You stand on top of the lunch table and address the entire cafeteria and say... "Does anyone here love movies?" Jacob yells up to you, "You're doing a great job!" You climb down from the lunch table. > You say "You gather a bunch of movie fans, you feel pretty good. They all talk about Netflix and Hulu, though. You approach the hottest girl in school to see if she wants to join." You approach the hottest girl in school to see if she wants to join. She asks, "What's VCR?" > You say "Video Cassette Recorder, baby" "VHS?" the girl asks. She's too young to remember VHS, you guess. Tony approaches and offers to pay big money for your Sister Act 2 VHS tape. He offers $200 and you accept. Jacob says, "Let's celebrate!" You, Jacob, and the rest of the gang enter your favorite pizza place. > You see the hot popular girl across the pizza place eating pizza with her friends. You go and ask her again if she wants to join your club. "Does anyone here love movies?" She says, "Ugh. I'm so sick of that nerd asking me to join his stupid movie club." "Oh, I'm not in that movie club," > You say "You're thinking of the Betamax boys. The VCR are badasses." "Oh! Are you in the VCR?" "Yep. Let's hang out sometime." "Sorry I can't. I've got cheerleader practice. But we can hang out after that." You invite her back to your place to watch Splash on VHS. You successfully woo her and she becomes your girlfriend. You ask what her name is and also if being your girlified means the VCR gang. She says, "You can call me Rebecca and yes it does." You and your newly acquired girlfriend Rebecca walk home and watch Splash together. You begin to notice something different about her. Something...colder. > You ask Rebecca "Why so cold, baby?" as you put your hand on her shoulder reassuringly. You put your hand on her shoulder reassuringly. She doesn't move away and acts as if she doesn't mind. She says, "Why do you think I joined the VCR gang? Rebecca tells you she's an undercover agent with the gang unit. Both of you are arrested for collusion. The VCR gang is destroyed and you're sentenced to five years in the state penitentiary for engaging in acts of piracy. You punch the biggest guy on the cell block and get a tear drop tattoo for your troubles. You serve three years and are released. Rebecca gets a years probation and leaves town the next day. You feel betrayed by Rebecca and decide to start her when you get out of jail. You get a job working in the kitchen at your local Olive Garden. You spend the next twenty years of your life cooking Spaghetti and Meatballs, nothing more, nothing less. One day, Rebecca walks into your Olive Garden. Your anger at her causes you to make a big scene. "YOU! YOU BETRAYED ME!!", you scream as loud as you can. She says "I always loved you and VHS" and then shoots you in the head. THE END And that's why you should never give someone a tear drop tattoo. The morale of the story: The morale of the story: Never. Fuck. With. Tear. Drop. Tattoos.