AIPD EP184 – 9/19/2020 – Story 1

You are Chuy Boket, a swamp tour guide in Louisiana.  You never learned how to read, but charm and charisma earned you a Master's degree and you used to teach Journalism. Now, you're a tour guide. You've been a tour guide for nineteen years and have never had an issue like this...
You'd better cut to the chase...

"You're in a room. You have to find a way out. There's a door out of the room."
> You look for a hidden door.
"There's a hidden door," you say. "Help me find it."
You turn to you cohort Bert Minivan and he's starts punches holes in the wall. He punches three holes in the wall, but finds nothing. Then you get an idea. You turn to Bert and say "Let's try the floor this time."
Bert punches a huge hole in the floor, revealing...

"A secret exit!" you say.
The two of you run to the exit, as the skeletons walk over to the hole in the floor and jump in.
> You and Bert jump onto a nearby fanboat to escape the skeletons.  Ernie, Bert's best friend who is swimming nearby with a rubber duck in his hand begins to drive the boat very quickly.
You find yourself on a fanboat driven by a real jerk. He's driving the boat so fast that you are flung off of it and into the water.
you use your magic whistle to call your alligator friends to swim to safety.
You and Bert make it to shore, and so does the jerk...who is actually named Ernie.
You try to go back to the room where you were held captive, but fall into a hole.
The skeletons are still in the hole. One of them introduces himself as Jack Daniels. Ernie is nowhere to be seen.
Your skin begins to turn blue, and you find yourself in an open field...
You are now a purple polka-dotted butterfly.
You fly towards a baby deer, land on its nose and make friends with it.
You land on Bert's nose. He blows you off and you go flying into the air. You land on a mushroom, which makes you fly higher into the sky...
> You fly into the garden of a voodoo priestess.
The voodoo priestess turns into a cat and eats you.
THE END
You have reached the "Skeletons" ending.
> You wake up in a cold sweat.
"Was it just a dream?" you ask yourself. "Or did it really happen? I must have drank too much root beer last night."
You walk into the bathroom to get ready for class.
You tuck your butterfly wings into you corduroy blazer so your students don't know you're a butterfly man.
You go to your class, where you teach your students about the importance of commas in essays.
Then, you go home and sit in your rocking chair.
You live a nice, long life.
You are having a root beer on your front porch when a butterfly lands on your nose. "This is it," you think. "Time to make a decision. Live as a butterfly, or die as a man."
You close your eyes and wait for death to come...but it never comes.
> You when you open your eyes, a moderately attractive woman is standing in front of you. "I was once a butterfly, too," she tells you.
"Butterfly?" you say.
"Yes," she says. "The butterfly that landed on your nose."
You grab her hand and lean in for a kiss.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you, too," you say.
Your lips meet, and the two of you live happily ever after.
The end.
The morale of the story is: don't be a pussy. Admit you're a butterfly.