AIPD EP182 – 9/17/2020 – Story 2

Posted under AIPD EP182 - 9/17/2020 - Story 2, Story On By Chief

You are Leeroy Jenkins, a guy who doesn't like going to family gatherings, but loves playing videogames. One day, you are literally dragged to a family reunion. You go to the living-room and start playing a videogame, but your uncle turns off the TV because he says videogames are too violent. You start using some of the fight moves, that you learned from the videogame, to knock your uncle out. Afterwards, you turn the TV on and resume your videogame. 
You are Grandfather Jenkins, a guy who doesn't like to get old. One day, the Grim Reaper comes and says he's come to take you to the afterlife.
> You hand the Grim Reaper a Snickers.
He says "What's this? How did you know my weakness?" then leaves without you. The end.
The morale of the story: The Reaper loves candy.
You are at a coffee shop, and the line for the bathroom is long. You notice there is no one in the employee break room.
> You put on a Starbucks apron and go in the break room and take a dump.
You are able to shit in peace. A few minutes later, you see a man enter the bathroom. You decide to scare him as revenge for scaring you in the coffee shop once.
> You say "Somebody's taking a dump in the cocaine room!" "
He looks at you in confusion and says "What?"
> You say "Do you have cocaine?"
You realize that he has no idea what you're saying, and say once more "Do you have cocaine?"
He says "No... I don't do cocaine."
> You say "Nerd"
You realize he still has no idea what you're saying, and say once more "Nerd."
He says "I'm not a nerd..."
You try to make him say "Nerd"
> You grab his jaw and try to make him say nerd.
He says "Please let me go..."
You start getting angry.
You are at a coffee shop, and the line for the bathroom is long. You notice there is no one in the employee break room.
> You cut the line to the bathroom and swirly the nerds head in the toilet.
You are in the bathroom stall. You hear a knock on the door.
You yell, "I'm married!"
There is silence for a moment, followed by, " am I."
You hear giggling and the footsteps walk away. You open the door to find a group of attractive women laughing at you.
> You offer them cocaine.
They are confused and look around.
"Where is the cocaine?" they ask.
"The toilet." You say.
They enter and you hear, "Holy shit! You were fucking right!"
You snort cocaine off the womens' tits' asses' and crotches for the next hour.
Later, you go to a nearby park and play frisbee with your dog.
Albert Sparkles comes up to and says, "Hey, give me my dog back!"
You say, "Fuck you, you ginger prick."
He says, "What did you call me, you ginger prick?"
You pull down your pants and show him your ginger pubes.
> You slap Albert, pick up the dog and run away with your pants around your ankles.
You run away, pants around your ankles and a dog under your arm. You make it home and play some Xbox.
After making a few million online you fall asleep. You begin to have a dream....
You are standing at a "bus stop". You see two buses arrive. One is the bus to Heaven, the other is the bus to Hell. Which one do you board?
You board the bus to Hell.
> You step off the bus and ask the tour guide if any of your relatives are in hell.
The tour guide shows you your family tree. Your last name is at the top, which branches into two names. Everyone with the first name is in Heaven, everyone with the second name is in Hell.
You meet all you relatives in Hell.  You see Albert has arrived in Hell as well and invite him to join you.
You party in Hell for the rest of eternity.
You have reached the "Best Ending" of Hell.
The moral of the story is: don't do drugs.
> You say "Is the GTA NPC in Hell?"