AIPD EP180 – 9/15/2020 – Story 1

Posted under AIPD EP180 - 9/15/2020 - Story 1, Story On By Chief

You are Fanboy Manchild, an obsessive fan of Star Trek. One evening, you're walking by a lake when you see the Star Trek Enterprise's ship. You step into the ship and notice that nobody else is in it, so you start piloting it. You fly it around for a few minutes, before getting airsick. You put on a parachute and jump out. You land on the bay, while the Enterprise ship crashes to the ground. Suddenly, Captain Picard appears and notices that you've destroyed his ship. He beats you up and turns you into the police.
You wake up the next morning in hospital, with a broken arm and several bruises.
> You ask the doctors to turn you into a Borg.
You're taken into the hospital's basement, where a team of doctors begin to operate on you. The first thing they do is remove both of your eyes, before giving you robotic implants.
> You get more robot implants.
The doctors operate on you for hours, attaching a large amount of robotic implants onto your body. Eventually, you are transformed into a half-human half-robot cyborg.
> You say "Doctors, make me full robot!"
The doctors continue to operate on you, attaching more and more robotic implants onto your body. Eventually, the last of your organic parts are replaced with robotic parts.
> You find Picard and challenge him to a fight.
You go outside and find the captain of the ship, Picard.
"Hey!" you say. "I'm a full robot now. Let's fight!"
"No!" says the captain, running away.
> You chase down Jean-Luc Picard and thrash him soundly.
You chase down Jean-Luc Picard and thrash him soundly.
"Thank you," he says, graciously accepting his defeat.
You rip off Picard's wig before he become confident enough to be bald.
"Thank you for making me bald, but I'm not dying my hair!" he says.
"Please?" you say.
"Fine," says the captain defeatedly. "I'll become a redhead."
> You skip around the Starship Enterprise, yelling, "Picard is a ginger now. Everyone call him Captain Ginger!"
You skip around the Starship Enterprise, yelling, "Captain Picard is a ginger now. Everyone call him Captain Ginger!"
"Thank you," says the captain, smiling. "I love this new red hair of mine."
You run into Tony, a semi-big fan of Star Trek.
"Hey, are you bald?" he asks. "I'm a big star now. Want an autograph?"
Tony asks you why everyone has ginger bowl cuts right now. "Because I love gingers," you say. "I made everyone ginger because I love gingers."
"But I'm not a ginger," says the captain.
The Captain removes his wig and everyone gasps.
"You're an alien!" you say, shocked.
But it's too late. With a flick of his wrist, the captain breaks your neck. You're dead.
Years pass and curious engineers repair you.  You immediately seek revenge against Picard. You skip into his office, but find him not there. You're about to give up hope when you find him in the gym.
"Hi," you say.
"Hi," he responds.
> You tie up Picard using his headband.
You tie up Captain Picard using his own headband.
"Who are you?" the captain asks. "How did you get on board my ship?"
You become the first robot ever to cry.
"The doctors made me," you say. "I'm a cyborg. I'm not a real person... please, make me a real person."
"I can't do that," says the captain.
You rip off the captain's skin and dance in the mirror singing, "I'm a real boy now!"
The captain pulls out a spare skin and places it on, restoring his youthful appearance.
"You monster!" he says, pulling a laser dagger from his bag. "I'll get you for that."
The captain begins to chase you around the ship. You manage to cut off his arm, but he catches you and breaks your spine.
"You killed him," says the captain.
"I'm sorry," says the doctor. "We did everything we could."
"Who will I play Holochess with now?" asks the priest.
The captain shrugs and resumes playing Holochess with his alien friend.