AIPD EP174 – 9/9/2020 – Story 2

Posted under AIPD EP174 - 9/9/2020 - Story 2, Story On By Chief

You are Shumblechops.  You are an ancient druid working on the construction of Stonehenge monument.  You are moving a very large rock into position when all of a sudden...

"AAAAAAARRRGH!" you cry as a shard of the rock slams into your face. You didn't dodge it in time.

This is the last thing you remember before you pass out.
You wake up 2000 years in the future on the solstice and are met by Grendel Clubfoot, a stone golem with a small party hat.
"Hello friend," he says to you. "I've brought you here to fulfill your destiny."
You look around the room to see a large group of adventurers standing around you.
> You say "Introduce yourselves."
"Hail and well met, Sir Shumblechops!" a paladin says.
"We're here to take you to the Grand Council of Adventurers," an elf says.
Benjamin Gates, leader of the adventurers, leads the way to a large stone pyramid. It's the first one you've seen in person. They say it's a lot bigger in the inside, but to you it looks about as big as it is.
> You are led into a small arena, filled with adventurers. The council is seated above the arena floor. The head adventurer, whose name is Florn, says to you...
"My, my. Look at that face. It's a good thing you're already dead."
The room bursts into laughter. Florn continues.
> You cast a druid spell and turn into a bear.
You turn into a bear with a face that could launch a thousand ships. The council members, all twenty of them, back away slowly.
You swipe left at Florn, launching him into a nearby garbage bin. The other council members cower and run for their lives. The crowd bursts into applause, cheering you on as you hunt down the council members. Benjamin Gates sits in his seat, laughing his ass off.
You chase the council members to the nearby port, they all get in their ships and try to escape your wrath.  You use your bear face to launch all 1000 ships in the port and crash them into the mountain side. The Grand Council of Adventurers is no more.
The crowd bursts into applause, cheering you on as you hunt down the council members. Benjamin Gates sits in his seat, laughing his ass off.
> You encounter Benjamin Gates in an epic boss fight!
"This is what dreams are made of," Gates laughs.
"Let's see how much of a laugh you have left after this," you say.
You chase Gates into the nearby woods.
You hear a motorcycle start, Gates appears as Ghost Rider - a motorcycle warrior with a flaming skull.
You change into a werebear.
Ghost Rider zooms around you, twice. You can't reach him as he laughs at your attempts to kill him.
"You'll never catch me!" Ghost Rider laughs.
Ghost Rider is flung off his motorcycle by Smokey The Bear, friend of the Druid and angry at the potential for a forest fire.
"You're going down, fucker!" Smokey says.
The two fight with fiery melee abilities.
Smokey puts out the Ghost Rider with a shovel and a bucket of sand.  You piss on the ashes to make sure the fire is really put out.
You return victorious, to the cheers of the crowd.
Over the next few years, you help Grendel modernize, and turn it into an advanced society.