You are a unicorn. You wander the meadows and forests. A lot of non-virgins are always trying to ride you. One day a virgin woman surprises you by hopping on your back. She whispers in your ear, "Fly me to the moon." You resist the urge to buck her off and do exactly what she says. She smiles. "I knew you were the one." > You say "What is your name? Also just to double check, you virgin, right?" "I'm Catia, and yes, I'm a virgin. By the way I really like what you did there." She leans in and kisses you. The two of you have passionate sex all night long. > You awake the next morning to discover you have transformed into a human man. This changes everything! You no longer have a horn and wings. You also have a dick and balls again. However, Catia is still a unicorn. Catia tells you she is pregnant. You worry about what the baby will be. Human? Unicorn? Something else? Time will tell. Flash forward nine months, you are in the delivery room with Catia holding her hand. She gives birth to a healthy... human baby boy. Catia gets out of bed and the two of you embrace your new son as a team. You love him more than anything, and he will grow up to be a fine man. Your son complains of back pain one day, and you notice he is sprouting wings. He looks exactly like you did when you were born. A human man with wings. > You sit down with the boy and explain sex to him. "Son, you are maturing much faster than I did. This is a good thing, because sex feels really great." "How do I have sex? What is sex?" "Well, sex is when a boy puts his dick in a girl's..." "DADDY! I know what sex is! I'm asking you how you have it!" > You say "I like it ass up face down and messy" "Like this!" you say. You show him a photo of you during your teenage years when you were in a band that toured the country. You send your son off to Summer Camp. He comes home a week later and tells you some cute girl flirted with him. "What did you say back?" "I said I had a huge cock." Well, he's your son. You explain to you son that whenever a unicorn has an orgasm, the Kool-Aid man breaks through a wall and says "Oh Yeah!" "Don't worry son, this won't happen for a few more years. When it does start happening, I'll be sure to let you know." Son frowns in disappointment. Suddenly the Koo-Aid man bursts through the wall and says, "Oh yeah!" You and your son scream in terror. The Kool-Aid man's head pops through the wall. "What flavor am I?" he asks with a wink. > You say "Red?" The Kool-Aid man frowns. "Wrong answer." The Kool-Aid man shoots you with his dart gun. You scream, and wake up. > You look around and see what's around. It appears that you are in the Kool-Aid Man's mansion. You look down and see that you are not human. Instead, you are a green, talking unicorn with a dick and balls. You have a massive erection. You hear a scream in another room. The Kool-Aid man tells you "I've pumped you full of Viagra and will force you to orgasm over and over so I will never disappear. I WILL LIVE FOREVER" You scream as the Kool-Aid man cackles and breaks through another wall. "Oh Yeah!" > You charge the Kool-Aid man and break his glass body with your horn. You pull out the Kool-Aid man's gears and wires and smash his head repeatedly with his own arm. His body flails around as he screams. "Oh yeah! oh yeah! oh yeah!" The real Kool-Aid Man appears on a giant screen and tells you that your son is being held ransom unless you comply with his demands. "You have 24 hours to tell everyone about my new iPhone app or he dies!" Your son appears on the screen with a knife held to his throat. The screen goes black. > You go on every podcast in the world to promote the Kool-Aid Man app. You go on every podcast in the world to promote the Kool-Aid Man app. Everyone downloads the app. The Kool-Aid man finds this unacceptable and kidnaps your son. You grab a bazooka and hunting knife and save your son from the Kool-Aid man rambo style. You beat the Kool-Aid man to death with your fists and throw his body into the ocean or something. His body dissolves immediately and his head explodes.