AIPD Battle Royale – Deedee Megadoodoo

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

The first AIPD Battle Royale commences! From the thousands of worlds the AIPD empire controls, eight tributes are selected, and forced to battle to the death. The eight contestants gather around the middle of the tower, where food, weapons, and other provisions are piled. A holographic display, featuring Overlord Jason.
"Hihoweweh." He says to the eight contestants. "You will each select your weapon by pulling out a golden ticket at random. Each one of you has been hand selected for this challenge. We have gathered the most powerful warriors from all across the galaxy. Your task is simple: kill each other. You don't need to worry about the rules – we're all just here to enjoy the show. I'm sure most of you will be killed in the process, but that's how it works when you put the best warriors together in one place. Now get going!"
The battle commences! 
Some contestants attempt to fight for the supplies, while some run away from the tower, trying to get some distance from the other tributes. One contestant manages to escape with some supplies into the forest, setting themselves on the path to surviving this deadly game: Deedee Megadoodoo. Having survived their first encounter, they start planning alone how to survive:
"I'm not going to last long like this," Deedee explains, "There's too many of them. It'll take me weeks to get enough supplies to win this thing. I might even be dead before the end of the week if things keep up like this."
"No problem, chief," Karl says, "Let's do this quick and dirty. We know what we're up against now.
You have teamed up with Karl because you know there is no way you can win this alone.  You decide the best first target is to go after the Tooth Goblin. The Tooth Goblin is a tough opponent; he may look funny, but that's because of all his teeth. He has two black claws growing out of his hands, and his long tail is usually tied up with an orange and purple ribbon. He will try and distract you so that you don't notice when he goes behind you and steals your teeth. Don't let him fool you! When he gets closer to you, he will start growling and screeching, which sounds like someone getting their teeth pulled. The Tooth Goblin's favourite food is bananas. You should stay away from him if you can and make sure to protect yourself. Remember, if he steals your teeth then your mind control powers won't work on you anymore.
The second contestant who escapes with supplies is Jason, from Earth. He is a tall man with red hair and blue eyes. He appears to be very experienced in Battle Royales, having fought three previous ones himself and won.
You can't believe your eyes, but in the middle of the forest is a plate of bananas.  You use them to make the Tooth Goblin fall for a snare trap. As soon as he falls for it, you grab his hat and tie it around your head, hiding your face from sight.  You pull a gun from your backpack and shoot at the sky until it's time to strike, but unfortunately, there is still more than one contestant left in the arena.
The next contestant to survive is Harry Shade, a former cop from America. He is short and fat, and is wearing an orange shirt that reads "Policeman for Hire".
Harry hears you gun shot and heads right for you.  The Tooth Goblin is not intimidated at all and Karl accidentally cuts his head off with the snare trap. The Tooth Goblin grabs Karl by the throat, but he is saved by Deedee Megadoodoo who shoots at him from across the forest.
AIPD Headquarters
"This is terrible!" Deedee shouts. "I'm going to lose this match! They're going to kick us out of the agency again! We're finished!"
"Don't worry about it Deedee, I got this," Karl assures her.
He reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of vodka.  He drinks a mouthful of it and spits out the cap.  Then he throws it into the sky where it hits something invisible and explodes. Karl smiles at Deedee, who looks confused.
"That'll take care of those goblins," he explains to her.
They both walk away and watch as the Tooth Goblin falls from the sky, dead.
Karl and Deedee have no time to celebrate as Harry arrives and begins to flip bottles at them with deadly precision.  The two are forced back towards the centre of the arena where they are surrounded by Harry's bottles.
As time passes, Deedee and Karl grow tired and begin to tire. Harry, however, has no such problem, and continues to flip bottles with ruthless efficiency.  Deedee has an idea and fills one of the bottles with highly volatile explosive chemicals that she just happened to find in a barrel.  Harry flips the explosive bottle which explodes in his face sending shards of glass deep into his brain.  He is immediately killed by the blast.
Karl and Deedee continue their fight while Harry Shade, the sixth contestant to survive, slowly bleeds to death at their feet.
Harry Shade was an ex-cop from New York who had been sentenced to death for some indiscretion or other when he escaped and fled to a world where he could compete against other criminals for his freedom. In the final battle between him and Karl and Deedee, Harry's superior intellect, agility and strength were no match for Deedee's creativity. She filled Harry's bottle with flammable liquid, and once he had flipped it, she threw a lit cigarette inside which exploded in his face.
You hear Karl scream as the explosion rips through him. His skin burns from the flames. You see his flesh melting away. Finally, all that remains is Karl's skeleton.
Karl is dead!  Deedee realizes that four others remain in the hellish blood bath and she hears the wheels of Kotal Khan spin. She runs over to Karl's body and picks up his gun. She aims it at Harry Shade and pulls the trigger. Harry Shade dies instantly as he is shot in the chest.
Kotal Khan announces:
"We now come to the last survivor of the Battle Royale! Who will win? It comes down to you, the jury! Please cast your votes!"
Deedee looks to the ground and thinks about what she has done.  It's too late now, there's no bringing them back.  Deedee sprints to find Kotal Khan in what looks like a makeshift skateboarding bowl.  She jumps on his chair, aiming the gun at Kotal Khan's head and fires. Her shot hits home, killing Kotal Khan.
Kotal Khan is dead!
The crowd goes wild and screams out in celebration, while Deedee sits down in despair. There's nothing she can do now, and so she waits for her inevitable execution...
It has been three days since Deedee Megadoodoo was declared the winner of the Battle Royale.
Deedee returns home and notices a package in the middle of her living room.  It is her prize for winning the Battle Royale: a brand new sports car! She takes the box and opens it, revealing a shiny black Lamborghini Miura convertible. She smiles happily, excited to test drive it. As she walks outside with the keys in hand, she hears a loud bang behind her. Deedee turns around and sees someone standing next to her Lamborghini.
She points the pistol at the figure and says "I know you're there! Show yourself!"
A man steps forward, and Deedee realizes that it's her neighbor, Karl. Karl is alive!
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
Karl smiles, and answers "I'm glad we met again, Deedee."
Deedee is stunned to learn that Karl survived the Battle Royale. "How did you escape the fire, Karl?" she asks. 
Karl shrugs his shoulders and says "You have to admit, it wasn't a very well designed contest."
Deedee nods her head and begins to smile, realizing that Karl was right about the Battle Royale. She reaches out and puts her arm around Karl's shoulder. They stand there together, smiling.
Suddenly, Deedee spots a small piece of paper falling off her shirt. Deedee picks up the piece of paper that reads, "OH YEAH!"
AIPD agents arrive at Deedee's house and arrest her for murder. She is thrown in prison, awaiting trial for the crime.
The courtroom is packed full of people, including Karl and Deedee. The judge announces the verdict:
"Deedee Megadoodoo, you are sentenced to life in prison," says the judge. "But don't worry - there's no limit to how long you could be here for."
You are placed in jail, but at night you hear a loud crash and spring up from your bunk to see the Kool Aid Man yell, "Oh yeah!  I'm breaking you out of jail!"
He springs out of his cell, jumps on top of the prison walls, and then flies over to Deedee's window and breaks through it with his superhuman strength.
As they fly out of the jailhouse, everyone watches the Kool Aid Man and Deedee soar through the air towards freedom.