AIPD – 8/11/2010 – Story 3

Posted under AIPD - 8/11/2010 - Story 3, Story On By Chief

You are Dumples, a well-dressed Muppet who is nervously hiding in a slimy cave. You are dirty and your nice suit is ruined.
You are hiding from a terrible monster, and you're not sure if you will survive.
But that's another story.
> You follow a passage leading deeper into the cave.
The cave is even darker now, illuminated only by the flashlight on your cell phone.
You travel down a long, dark passage that seems to wind deeper into the cave.
Your cell phone runs out of battery and the light goes out.  You notice a flicker of a candle in the distance.
You realize that you are standing in a huge cavern, larger than any you've ever been in. Pillars of solid rock rise up from a stone floor and disappear into darkness high above you.
> You climb a stone staircase up into the darkness.
The staircase seems to climb up into infinity, higher and higher, disappearing into darkness.
You reach a stone platform that seems to be suspended in space, a tiny patch of solid ground surrounded by an endless chasm.
> You shout into the void and say "Is anyone there?"
Your voice echoes back to you.
Then, you hear another voice, carried on the wind.
"Hello?"
You lean over the edge and shine your cell phone into the abyss.
You drop your cell phone into the abyss and a flock of bats flies past you.
You are now being chased by a flock of bats!
They carry you away into the darkness, deeper into the cave.
> You say "Is there anybody out there?"
The sound of your own voice is the only response.
You are standing in the middle of a huge cavern, completely alone.
All around you, hanging from the ceiling of the cave, are strings of garlic.
Suddenly, the Swedish Chef appears wearing vampire hunting gear.
"Hello, neighbor!" he says. "I'm hunting garlic demons. I'll try to protect you."
You see a wooden door appear in the cavern wall.
> You open the door.

> You open the door.
The door swings open to reveal a bedroom. A lone figure sits in the corner, its face covered by its hands. You can hear sobs.
you ask the Swedish Chef "Who is that?"
"That's the ghost of Roger Davies." he says. "He died in that very room."
You notice a photograph on a dresser. In the photograph, a man in an old-fashioned suit and a young girl in overalls smile for the camera. You can almost imagine the sounds of laughter coming from the photograph.
"Who's that?" you ask, pointing to the girl.
"That's the ghost of Mary Elizabeth Crane." he says. "She died when she was just seven years old."
You get nervous and tell the Swedish Chef a joke to break the tension.
"Why did the ghost paint her house purple?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Because she couldn't grope a square block!"
> You try to tell another joke.
The joke doesn't make the ghost laugh. The ghost screams, and you scream, too, when you see that the ghost is really a horrifying monster!
It is the last thing you ever see in your life...
You tell your funniest joke.
"Why did the ghost paint her house purple?"
The ghost laughs. She laughs and laughs. Tears stream down her face. Her stomach muscles convulse with laughter.
> You say "Do you like being a ghost?"
The ghost nods.
"I love being a ghost," she says.
"Why?" you ask.
"I get to haunt my house forever and ever and ever." she says.
You nod.
> You say "Well time for me to be going home now."
"Goodbye, human," the ghost says.
You walk out the door and close it behind you.
The ghost screams when she sees you.
"Who are you?" she cries.
> You say "Don't you remember me? "
"I'm the ghost of Christmas future."
"I don't have a Christmas future," the ghost says.
You shrug.
"Sorry," you say.
The ghost screams when she sees you.
Two old muppets laugh and make jokes at your expense from the balcony.
"Look, it's that guy from the Internet," one of them says.
"Hey, you got a big head!" the other one says, laughing.
"Why is that squirrel holding candy?"
> You say "I don't know, why?"
"To stuff his fat ass!"
You continue walking. A hideous monster, made entirely out of guts, stands in your way.
> You say "You don't have the guts to stop me. "
"I don't have the guts to stop you," the monster says.
"Hey, this guy's a comedian," the monster's friend says.
> You tell your best joke to the monsters.
The monsters laugh.
"That's a good one!" the monster's friend says.
The ghost of Christmas future appears before you. He looks different from last time, and his robe is red instead of green.
> You say "Am I in a muppet christmas carol?"
"You are."
You try to find the words to express your feelings about this turn of events. You find none.
"Wow."
The ghost looks at you expectantly.
"Wow what?"
You look down at your hands in horror as you realize you are a muppet.
"What's wrong?" the ghost asks.
"I don't know how to be a muppet," you say, tears welling up in your eyes.
"You'll be fine."
> You do a song and dance number with the monsters and the Swedish Chef.
You are a muppet, and you do a song and dance number with the monsters and the Swedish Chef. It is terrible.
The two old guys in the balcony say "Get off the stage!"
The ghost of Christmas future appears before you. He looks different from last time, and his robe is red instead of green.
"What are you doing?" he asks.