AIG He-Man Ep 2 – She-Ra and He-Man are training to team up against their greatest threat to Eternia they have ever faced: The Tax Man

Posted under Episode He-Man, Story On By Chief

EXT. A TRAINING GROUND OUTSIDE CASTLE GRAYSKULL

She-Ra and He-Man are training to team up against their greatest threat to Eternia they have ever faced: The Tax Man.  He-Man did not know that as Prince he was still expected to pay taxes and has not paid taxes in his entire life.
 She-Ra is determined to teach him how the system works.  But she has her own problems to deal with. Her mother, Queen Marlena, has come to visit. She wants to see her daughter's new man.

SHE-RA
I lied and told mother that I was getting married.  He-Man do you have an ally that would be willing to pretend to be my boyfriend.
HE-MAN
I've got just the guy!  Hey Mekaneck I've got an important mission for you!
MEKANECK
Seriously?  No joking?  I don't even care, I'll do it!

He-Man gives Mekaneck a mission to get some weapons and then take them back to Castle Grayskull where they will be kept under lock and key until they are needed by She-Ra.

She-Ra roams the halls of Castle Grayskull and finds a friend that can be a potential suitor:
 a young male unicorn named Tytlo.  He is a handsome, dashing fellow who is always ready to help his friends out.
TYTLO
(singing) My name is Tytlo and I'm so fine.
 (singing) So tell me why should I be your lover when you can have mine? (singing) 'Cause I'm a cutie and I'm so cute. (singing) And if you want me, you'd better hurry.

She-Ra impresses Tytlo with
 her knowledge of the world outside Castle Grayskull.
SHE-RA
How many kingdoms are there on Eternia?
TYTLO
Five.  Eternos, Huttonshire, Flatteryville, the Etherian Kingdom and Koldore.

SHE-RA
Actally there are six, you forgot to mention
 Lintenmarsh.
Tytlo is impressed with her knowledge of all things.
TYTLO
(laughing) That's very funny!
SHE-RA
Why am I laughing?

She-Ra and Tytlo hit it off.  He-Man sit in his den with a mountain of tax receipts and attempts to go through his books and find out how much he owes before the Tax Man shows up.  But he is too late!  The Tax Man has arrived at Castle Grayskull!
TAX MAN
Is there a He-Man here?  It's audit time!

SHE-RA
(in panic) Oh no!
The Tax Man marches into the castle and begins looking around.
SHE-RA
(to He-Man) I'm sorry!
  The Tax Man is here!
Tax Man walks into the room and sees She-Ra.
TAX MAN
Hello, I'm the Tax Man.
SHE-RA
I know.

TAX MAN
And who might you be?
SHE-RA
My name is She-Ra.
TAX MAN
I see.  And what is this place?
SHE-RA
This is Castle Grayskull.

The Tax Man begins going around the castle and taking note of all the treasures and oddities:

TAX MAN
What is this?  This looks like a rock.
SHE-RA
It's a stone.
TAX MAN
And what is this?  Is this a sword?

SHE-RA
Yes.
TAX MAN
And what is this?  What is this?
SHE-RA
That is a sword.
TAX MAN
And what is this?
  Is this a spear?
SHE-RA
No, that is a fish.
TAX MAN
(shocked) A fish?
SHE-RA
(smiling) Yes, a fish.

She-Ra smirks and realizes the Tax Man is about to be attacked by Merman.  The Tax Man turns around unknowingly.
TAX MAN
You know fish are heavily taxed in Eternia, I'm going to need to see some receipts...

She-Ra comes from behind and punches the Tax Man right between the eyes.
TAX MAN
(out cold) Ow!
SHE-RA
(laughing) You idiot!

Merman hops off the wall
MERMAN
Looks like you are all alone She-Ra!  Prepare to be attacked by the Mighty MERMAN!

She-Ra runs over to the Tax Man and helps him to his feet.
SHE-RA
(sighing) That was close.
TAX MAN
Oh yes, very close.

She-Ra tries to convince the Tax Man that it was actually Merman that attacked him.  But the Tax Man is not falling for it.

TAX MAN
I believe you were attacked by a mermaid.
SHE-RA
(disappointed) I guess you're right.
The Tax Man leaves the castle.
SHE-RA
(to herself) How am I going to explain this one?

He-Man bumbles out of the den and asks if that Tax Man is here, but then sees Merman standing in the hallway and immediately grabs his sword and prepares for battle!

SHE-RA
(annoyed) There you are!
Merman takes advantage of the situation and jumps on He-Man, knocking him to the ground.
MERMAN
(laughing) Looks like someone has been stealing my fish again!

As Merman and He-Man wrestle on the ground, the Tax Man returns with reinfromencts:

TAX MAN
You owe me a lot of money.
SHE-RA
(trying to reason with him) No we don't.
TAX MAN
Yes you do.

SHE-RA
(impatient) Look, I'm trying to explain.
TAX MAN
I think you have an explanation coming.
SHE-RA
We are in the middle of a war and I can't pay taxes.

The Tax Man pulls out his ultimate weapon: the rubber stamp of crippling penalties.

TAX MAN
So what is your excuse?
SHE-RA
I don't have any excuses.
TAX MAN
Then I will make one up for you.
SHE-RA
(laughing) Are you sure you want to do that?

The Tax Man writes down the following excuse:

TAX MAN
Because of your reckless spending habits, you have lost the War of Greyskull and the Eternian treasury is now empty.
SHE-RA
(incredulous) You're kidding!

Everyone stops and stares at He-Man who is shoveling expensive fish and caviar into his mouth as quickly as possible.  He-Man shrugs and looks incredibly guilty.

SHE-RA
You ate all of this?!
Merman is shocked.
MERMAN
How could you eat all of this?


HE-
MAN

I didn't mean to.
  It started with one fish, and then another.  And then I was hooked!  I couldn't stop eating all these delicious fish!

Merman is horrified.
MERMAN
(crying) This is all my fault!
She-Ra sighs and shakes her head.
SHE-RA
You really shouldn't have eaten all of that.

TAX MAN
I think I know a way we can solves everyone's problems!  We just have to
 raise the taxes.
SHE-RA
(worried) Raise the taxes?
TAX MAN
That's right.
SHE-RA
But raising the taxes means that fewer people will have enough money to buy food.

TAX MAN
Blame He-Man!

SHE-RA
He-Man?!
TAX MAN
It's his fault.
SHE-RA
But he doesn't even know how to fight!
TAX MAN
No, but he eats a lot of fish.

The taxes are raised and the people immediately revolt against Prince Adam and Princess Adora.  Everyone has protests signs outside of Castle Grayskull, some of them say:

***
"Taxes are too high!"
And others:
***
"Where is the meat?"



The people are furious.
SHE-RA
This isn't good.
She-Ra tries to calm the crowd, but they aren't listening to her.
SHE-RA
People, please!

PRINCE ADAM
(angry) Enough of this!
ADORA
(angry) The King and Queen will hear about this!
Prince Adam turns to the crowd and shouts:
PRINCE ADAM
(shouting) Order!
 Order in the Court!
There is a moment of silence.
ADORA
Order!
PRINCE ADAM
Silence in the Court!
All eyes turn to She-Ra.

SHE-RA
Listen... actually this was all He-Man's fault!  He evaded taxes and spent all the money on fish and caviar.  Don't revolt against the kingdom, revolt against He-Man!

The people listen.
ADORA
(smiling) This is a travesty!
PRINCE ADAM
Order!
ADORA
(excited) Let's go after him!

Prince Adam sweats heavily and know he has to hide the sword and people can never find out that he is actually He-Man.

PRINCE ADAM
Order!
ADORA
(laughing) I love it!
The people disperse and Prince Adam hides his sword in the castle.
The next day, the King and Queen have their own meeting with She-Ra.

KING
We have to do something about the He-Man situation... but He-Man has saved us so many times in the past.  Can we really just turn him over to those tax men?  Those evil money sharks?

SHE-RA
I'm not sure.
She-Ra thinks for a moment.
SHE-RA
Maybe we should ask someone who knows more about the law than me.

The Tax Man enters.

TAX MAN
Hello, Your Majesty.
SHE-RA
Hello, sir.
TAX MAN
I understand you are trying to figure out what to do about the He-Man situation.

Tax Man tells the King and Queen the fix is easy:
 blame the Prince.
SHE-RA
Oh no, I don't think so.
TAX MAN
Why not?
SHE-RA
Because Prince Adam is innocent.
TAX MAN
What?

The Tax Man looks at Prince Adam, who is bloated and smells like fish, and suddenly the Tax Man puts it all together: He-Man IS Prince Adam!

TAX MAN
(suddenly excited) Of course! That explains everything!
The King and Queen look shocked.
SHE-RA
Yes, but I still don't think we should hand him over to the tax collectors.

Adam grabs the sword and transforms into He-Man.
HE-MAN
I have the power!

He-Man sluggishly fights the Tax Man.

HE-MAN
(slowly) Oh yeah...  You're pretty strong.
SHE-RA
I am She-Ra.
She-Ra quickly defeats the Tax Man.

TAX MAN

(disgusted) I thought you were going to try to help me.
SHE-RA
Sorry, my mistake.
The Tax Man flees in terror.
He-Man returns to the castle, where he finds the King and Queen crying.

HE-MAN
(troubled) What's wrong?
SHE-RA
Your Majesty?
HE-MAN
My father...
SHE-RA
It's okay.

Cut to a post credit sequence of a tax PSA.
SHE-RA
Today's episode was about tax evasion, which is no laughing matter!
  So if you are cheating on your taxes, we'd like to remind you that the Cat Guards are watching.
The scene cuts back to the story as the King and Queen tell their daughter that she must marry Prince Adam or they will be executed.