You are Yogi Bear, a guy who loves stealing picnic baskets. Boo-Boo keeps telling you to stop, but you ignore him. One day, you see a big family picnic, so you say, "I'm gonna take all of that food!" But as soon as you touch the picnic basket, it's gone, and your butt feels it too! You realize that the food you just ate was all expired white castle burgers and you feel extremely sick. You get away from the park, but it's already too late. Your friends find out you ate rotten food and start beating you up. They punch you in your stomach, and your heart starts pounding. You realize the error of your ways and vow to never steal a picnic basket ever again. In fact, you vow to be nicer to the park ranger and keep the park clean. As a result, the park gets more visitors, more families visit the park and see how great the park ranger is, and now there's no more rotten hamburgers for the park ranger. You see the most delicious picnic basket you have ever seen in your entire life and you are extremely tempted to steal it. You know it would make all your problems go away. The only problem is that you could end up getting caught and thrown in prison, and then you would miss your big sister's wedding because you are too poor to afford plane tickets. Against all logic you steal the picnic basket and are immediately caught by the Park Range. The Park Ranger gives you a stern lecture on how you could be sentenced to three years in jail, but after a lot of convincing, he relents and sentences you to cleaning up garbage, picking up trash, and other such nonsense instead. You do you community service and seek out Thief Rehab. The psychiatrist recommends a camping trip where you must sleep on the ground to rid yourself of your newfound urge to steal. You leave your phone and wallet at home, not wanting any temptation to come in the way. You sleep on the cold ground as punishment for your theft and you have a vivid dream about a picnic basket with a chocolate cake in it. In your dream, the basket is labeled "For Thief Rehab", but in the dream, it's just labeled "For Thief"! In the dream, an angel and a devil appear on your shoulders. They each try to convince you to either take the basket or not take it. As the angel appears, you decide to take it. The devil appears and you decide to not take it, as the devil's black cat wants to eat it. You side with the devil and the angel gives you a stern warning: If you continue to take things that you don't need, then you will go to hell. You realize that stealing is bad and decide to leave it to the angels to solve your problems. As you are about to wake up, you have a last minute realization that your backpack has fallen into the river. You leap in after you backpack and realize this is karma for doing the wrong thing. After the angel and devil help pull you out of the river, they tell you that karma is a bitch. They point out that you were still starving when you stole the basket, so the devil took the basket, and you fell into the river to get the basket back, and the angel took you to heaven to get you to wake up and realize that stealing is bad. You fall asleep on the bed, only to wake up at 2:30am on a Saturday morning with the same dream as last night, except this time the basket is labeled "Thief Rehab", so you are left with the choice of good and evil once again. This time you choose to resist the urge to steal. You are an English noblewoman during the rule of King Richard II of England. As a nobleman, you have many responsibilities, including wearing a pointy hat and being able to order the peasants to do as you say. You wake up and realize you feel like a woman. You begin to worry that your husband might be the cause of this feeling. You check yourself and you are indeed a woman. This is very confusing to you because you have never felt like one before, and you have been married for ten years and have two children with your husband. You look in the mirror and see that you are Winona Ryder! You have a great idea to save your marriage and be a proper woman! You are going to hire a professional witch and have her change you back into a man! Unfortunately, when you tell your husband about this plan he says "That's the worst thing you could possibly do." You wake up from the dream and you are still Yogi Bear. Boo Boo appears and asks why are you screaming. You scream and point to the basket with the picnic in it and scream "I am a man! I am a man! I'm a man! I'm a man!" Boo Boo calms you down and tries to talk you through this crisis of faith. You realize that your desire to steal is caused by your feelings of inadequacy and you decide to turn your life around... for real this time. You take control over your own destiny and become an honorable person who won't steal. The Devil, an angel, a Black Cat, and a Cabbage Patch doll all appear to you to see what you have decided. You start a support group for kleptomaniacs and call it Thief Conversion Therapy.