You are Picard, the Captain of the Enterprise who is renewing his license at the DMV. The DMV accidentally spells your name as "Pee Card." You complain to the DMV, but they refuse to change it. When you get back to the Enterprise, you see that your crewmates are taunting you by peeing on your X-Men trading cards. You are so mad that you start pouncing on Wesley Crusher. If this doesn't work out for any reason, then just remember: if all else fails...you can always become a Starfleet Admiral and commandeer an entire fleet! The two most common species in the galaxy have been known to make life difficult for each other from time to time -- especially when one of them has conquered another planet or star system. But these days, with peace between the Federation and Klingon Empire being maintained through diplomatic channels, things should be much easier than before. Unfortunately, some Klingons still harbor ill will towards their former conquerors . > You attempt to explain yourself to the Klingon captain . "I am not here because I want to fight!" you say. "But I do believe we both have something important to discuss..." Suddenly, there's a loud crash behind you, followed by several voices shouting "Klingon!" > You turn around and see the Klingon's have seized control of the space DMV! They've taken over the office, and now they're making sure no one leaves without getting properly licensed. They'll even give you a quick hearing test ("Bortle Class IV?"), and then issue you a license based on whatever score they feel like giving you. > You take the newly created Klingon driving test. It involves navigating a maze filled with obstacles, such as mines, enemy ships, and more. Fortunately, you know exactly where to go; you took Driver's Ed at the Academy. As soon as you arrive at the starting point, you begin your journey across the treacherous landscape. Your Klingon driving instruction has you back into a parking spot. As you drive past the entrance to the DMV, you notice that someone left the door open. Quickly reversing course, you enter the building and head straight for the front desk. Unfortunately, the Klingon security guards aren't going to let you pass until they check your credentials. > You are distracted after failing the first part of the exam and accidentally park the ship on top of Wesley Crusher. After a long day of trying to convince the Klingon captain why he shouldn't attack Earth, you finally manage to escape him. However, you find yourself trapped inside the Klingon starship. Fortunately, you quickly realize how easy it would be to pilot the vessel. > You are in shock after crushing Wesley and you attempt to escape in the Klingon war ship. You think about what happened to Wesley Crusher. He was crushed under the weight of your starship. Your heart aches, but you continue to try and flee the scene. A few moments later, you hear a voice calling out to you from outside the ship. "Hey! Don't leave me alone in here!" says Wesley Crusher. "Please don't abandon me!" This is terrible news. If the Klingon captain finds out that you've abandoned Wesley, then you won't live to see tomorrow. > You grab Wesley horribly crushed body and flee the planet. Wesley Crusher's dead. And you didn't even bother to save his corpse. You need to get away from here. Before anyone sees you. It takes you a while to figure out how to operate the warp engine, but eventually you manage to set the coordinates for home. > You think you are in the clear, but suddenly you see flashing police lights and you are being pulled over by a Klingon police officer. The Klingon policeman pulls you over and begins writing you up for speeding. "Why did you speed? Why were you going so fast?!" asks the Klingon. "Because I wanted to get off this wretched world," you reply. The angry Klingon officers forces you out of your vehicle and makes you take space sobriety test that involves: walking in circles, counting backwards, and touching your nose. When the Klingon captain catches you fleeing the Klingon spaceship, you tell him everything. Then you show him the Klingon driver's license you got from the DMV earlier today. The Klingon captain feels bad for you and decides to give you a pass... until he notices blood coming from the backseat where you have Wesley's mangled corpse. "What have you done to my brother?" demands the Klingon captain. "He died saving my life. That's all I have to say," you answer coldly. The Klingon captain is furious. > You make up a lie to try to appease the captain, "I'm sorry sir. I had no choice." "No choice? What kind of excuse is that?! This isn't the academy anymore, boy! You have to face the consequences of your actions!" > You flash your federation id card in attempt to pull rank. "Sir, please. My name is Picard. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. I am authorized to use lethal force against any Klingon who threatens the safety of my crew. The Klingon captain suspects you are lying, but does not find out if you aren't and lets you go free. Now that you're safe, you decide to return to Earth. When you return home, you discover your name has been legally changed to "Pee Card" by the DMV. You also learn that Wesley Crusher has gone missing. "Where could he be?" you wonder aloud. "Maybe he ran away," suggests one of your crew mates. "Or maybe he's been kidnapped," adds another. > You figure out a way to dispose of Wesley's body: bury it in the backyard. You dig a hole next to your house, and you place Wesley Crusher into the ground. You cover the grave with dirt, and hope nobody ever discovers what you've done. > You pour concrete and build a shed over Wesley's grave. You add a layer of concrete to the grave, and then you build a small shed nearby. Now no one will be able to see the horrible sight of Wesley's remains. *** If this doesn't work out for any reason, then just remember: if all else fails... you can always become a Starfleet Admiral and commandeer an entire fleet! The two most common species in the galaxy have been known to make life difficult for each other from time to time -- especially when one of them has conquered another planet or star system. > You smile knowing that you got away with it, but then you remember there are alien's that can read people's minds and your crimes will comes to light eventually. "Captain Picard, we have detected a large object approaching our star system. We estimate its mass to be approximately 2 x 10^20 kilograms. Its velocity indicates that it will collide with the star within the next hour. " > You yell "That's what she said!" "We believe the object may be a starship of some sort. It appears to be traveling at an extremely high rate of speed, and we suspect that it will impact the star in less than sixty minutes."
AI Generated Star Trek – Picard at the DMV
Posted under Episode Star Trek The Next Generation, Story On By Chief