AI Generated Oprah

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

​You are Oprah Winfrey, the host of the Oprah show. Tonight's guest is Jason from AIPD. You start talking to him before your crew starts singing the birthday song to you. This pisses Jason off.
 He tries to get away but his seat has been attached with a harness and he cannot move it. You ask questions like why do men have nipples? How does one become an accountant? Are there any other professions for women besides wife or mother?

You do your best not to let Jason's troll attempts take over the talk show.  You ask Jason what all of America has been wanting to know, "Why do you hate birthdays?"
 Jason replies that since he was born on Christmas day, he had no choice in celebrating his birthday when people celebrated their holidays instead. You then go on about how much happier children were when they could celebrate their own birthdays versus having them coincide with another person's holiday.

Jason begins to uncontrollably cry live on air.
 Your producers try everything they can think of to get him out of the studio without damaging the camera equipment, but nothing works until you decide to tell everyone how you once hated your own birthday because every time someone would sing happy birthday to you, you got angry thinking they did not realize how miserable you were during
 those moments. After your story hits the news, many kids begin sending cards to AIPD offices and the number of cards coming in skyrockets. In just 2 weeks after your interview aired, more than 6 million gifts came into the organization.

You use this momentum to try and recognize anti-birthday as a new holiday.
 The idea is shot down by various government organizations who feel that the date is too significant for some religions to make changes. There are even threats that if the United States makes this change official, there will be repercussions in foreign countries where certain religious groups view December 25th as a holy day.

Against all recommendations, you continue with your campaign to replace Christmas with Anit-Birth Day.
 By January 15th, several state legislatures have proposed laws to abolish December 25th celebrations. However, no major political leader has stepped forward yet. As the months pass and December 24th draws closer, more parents have begun to embrace this holiday as well as children.
 You realize that the name of the holiday has caused confusion amongst the world.  Half of people think it is a day against births and the other half recognize it's true meaning as the end of birthdays everywhere.
 You finally convince the public to call it Anti-Birthday which becomes its official name.
"The first thing I'll say is we're going to ban all non-essential travel in the country."

"That includes international flights, domestic flights, trains, buses, ships, and cars," President Barack Obama said. "This is not an order, this is not a recommendation... This is a FINDING by the Secretary of Transportation and the Director of Homeland Security.

With the President supporting your Anti-Birthday campaign, you start to travel internationally to end all birthdays.
 One week before Christmas Eve, you board Air Force 1 with Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Elizabeth Warren. Within minutes, your plane is attacked by a group of terrorists from China. They shoot down the aircraft and kill all onboard except for you.

You are brought back to life through experimental means.
 You come back as a zombie president, with your soul intact but lacking most of your brain functions. You see yourself being lowered into the ground while surrounded by loved ones. Before you sink to the bottom, you rise up and look at the crowd.

You don't remember much from your life, but you do remember your campaign for Anti-Birthday.
 You want to stop Christmas in its tracks.
Do you give orders to your remaining cabinet members to save Christmas? If so, who? Who survives? Do you fight the Chinese terrorists alone? If so, do you win?

You fight the Chinese terrorists alone.
 You are able to subdue all of them, although one blows himself up, killing the vice president. You are now the sole survivor of the attack. With your last bit of strength, you climb out of the crater created by the explosion and stare at the crowd.